my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
