he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
