I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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