gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
