i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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