well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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