you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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