Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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