I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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