At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
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As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize