hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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