$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
