I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
