My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
