I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
