Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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