Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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