I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
