Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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