he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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