This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
