I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
