You're a womanizer and a bitch.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
