Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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