I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
