I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
