I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
