He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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