thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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