Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
