So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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