Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
