At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
