I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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