that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
