He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
