i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
