i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No more Irish car bombs ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
