why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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