she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
