I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
