So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
