The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
