Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
