if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
