Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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