well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I need to stop coming to work sober
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
