When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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