Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
