recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
