how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.