This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
