that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
