Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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