In America we eat man semen.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
