I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
