i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
