I've blown a few things in my day
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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