I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
