i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
