lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
