She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
