dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
