well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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