I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
oh god was she eating orange peels again
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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