Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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