So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
