Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
