do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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