Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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